Let go of my ego
Posted by michellemoquin on March 15th, 2008
www.wackypackages2007.com/ images/ANS3/39-ego.jpg
Yippie! I am back on Mac…not MY Mac but good enough. Feels sooo good on my fingertips! I am grateful for the loan - you know who you are :)
I feel that even though this is my blog I have been out of the loop the past few days - not sure why - I’ve read everything but I feel a bit disconnected. Actually a bit disconnected altogether in life in general. Lots on my mind lately, and trying to stay focused on whatever is in front of my face at the moment, and not venture off into the past or present. I am grateful for the weekend although with my working status lately…every day is a weekend or is it every day is a weekday? No matter…no difference.
So..wha’ats up folks? It is the weekend - any plans you want to share?
Oh, ZL: That was Byran, a good friend - I’ll check it out - Have fun in SD!
Al: Where do you live since you mentioned that you would like to visit the states? I did notice that you were writing at very odd times…thought you were a night owl but now I know it is because you are in a different time zone. Or did I read that wrong? I am curious now. If you don’t want to say…no worries.
Doug and I are relaxing - I think..I hope. When Life tosses you a doosey - what do you do? Play ball - Life’s a game - isn’t it? At least that’s what my hubby says all of the time. Right now in my game of life, I would like to liquidate everything and move to an island - ever get that feeling that you just need to get away from it all and live on a beach bumming around; enjoying the simple life? I do. - Just for awhile or maybe forever….I know I could be in my bikini 24/7 in 80 plus degree weather and be totally happy - Not that I am not happy now. My point being…
….Happiness is a state of mind…cast the ego aside and let go of all attachments. I like things but happiness does not come in things. And lately I have come to realize this more and more, and it feels really good. Actually it is very empowering. Happiness in acquiring things is very short lived…Don’t get me wrong…I love beautiful things; love being surrounded by them, but my happiness is not dependent upon those things. Sometimes I fall back but I am working on it. Do you know what I mean or are you a thing hoarder, never getting enough? :) If so, how would you feel if your house burned down and you lost everything in it? Are you that attached to the material world that it would leave you devastated? Things are not who we are but the ego seems to think so.
Speaking of egos..the male shit has been flying lately and heads are rearing, chests puffed out - do I need to throw in the cock fighting photo again? Really now. I think we are all in our own shit and it is seeping out . I notice that the egos are taking over the world as well as my blog. Can we just relax a little and have some fun, not take things so personally. Feels like we are turning into fun lovin’ relatives, brothers and sisters givin’ tit for tats, countering this and countering that…give it up guys…Reeelllaxxx….breeaathhe… ahhh get present…in the moment. All is good. And if not, this can’t be good all of this anger, assumptions, miscommunications, resentment, accusations, (did I miss any?) etc….and quite frankly it feels draining. Maybe that is why I am disconnecting lately, which is BS cause I shouldn’t let others egos seep into my day; it’s enough dealing with my own! Okay - done. I will not be a part of this drama…..carry on as usual if you desire. :)
Egos: Take a break.
Beings: Just be.
With loving intentions,
Michelle
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ght 2008
March 15th, 2008 at 9:32 am
We can occasionally receive blog entries. We get them from four different sites. I am from China. It is my first time writing in english. I am so surprised that I can do it so well. I do not speak english so as I watch the words come off my mouth into the screen, I smile with wonder. It is just another fantastic experience from being up here.
I chose to send this to the United States blog because I like many Chinese have a secrete desire to go there. We have visited several planets that mirror earth and I have had as many opportunities to go down with my two earth girls( I too Michelle would like to were the monicker Girls, if you will interview me and allow me to be one of your GIRSZ). We get to see each other’s countries from different perspectives. At first most were only interested in China for the “exotic” and the food. But as we have visited earth planets in different periods of their development, we have experienced some ominous signs for the people of China and our earth as we know it.
At first, I was like some of the others, very protective of my country and the image the “aliens” would have of it. Now, I don’t view them as “aliens” just friends that have come to mean so much to me. We all have our favorites mine is Carif, a sweeter person does not exist.
It did not take us long to forget our bonds with our individual countries. We were thrust into situations that required that we put our “military training”(Zmiv’s words, a crazier person in a, nice way, that you will ever meet) into operation. That training requires you to put all your trust in your fellows if you are to survive. Each of us has had to trust that the other took her training seriously and that she will perform that training in a manner that will protect the rest of us from harm with a minimum of harm to the environment and the would be or presumed aggressor. This Rule does not apply to our esteemed Commander, Azza just does what Azza does. Her motto is “FUCK WITH MY CREW AND DIE BADLY.” We are allowed to deal with situations without her input so we diffuse many situations that her busy schedule would not permit her the time to look into it as deep as she does.
I must say that if anyone from earth could see the wonders of space. No, not space, space travel, they would be agog with awe. We traveled for 9 hours through a planet that was so large we could not go around it because it’s gravitational pull would have sucked us into a permanent orbit around it. So we were forced to go through it. We only had that option because it was a huge gas ball.
The decision was not made lightly. We only learned of the dilemma when the ship’s computer alerted us to the pull of a distant object that had fooled our instruments into believing that we were on our plotted course. Azza brought us into the situation arbor and we got the briefing that she had earlier. We went over our options and she briefed us on the possibilities of surviving the trip through the planet. She calmly informed us that this was the course of action that she had decided upon and that we should take our stations and began learning what would be expected of us during the course of this event.
I admit that I was scared for our lives, but Azza has a way of making you feel that “every day is a good day to die” (military talk) as long as you are with her. I began studying. When the time came to enter the planet, I felt I was ready to do my part to enable us to survive yet another “adventure.” By that time it had become just that “another adventure.” I was a space traveler and this is what happens in space.
The trip through the planet was so BEAUTIFUL that it defies description. I was pasted to my monitor for the whole 9 hours. The GODS are truly marvelous. Their imaginations are without end. When it was over I wanted to do it again. But Azza had us get as she said “the hell out of here as fast as we can.” Maybe Azza has seen it all and she is just jaded by all these experiences, but I’m loving it.
It is experiences like that that I think has bonded us as a unit. At first we had our own little clicks. Then it was us girls against the boys, now it is the Climax for all that do not pose a threat to us and the Climax to the death for any who harm any of its crew. I may not be fearless yet like some of the other girls, but I do believe that it could be a good day to die and that I would die well for my Climax.
As I read what I have just written, I am amazed. I do not know that girl that just wrote that, but I want to be her so desperately. I was afraid of everything before I came up here. Now I am afraid of nothing on earth, the ones we visit and most certainly the one we will be forced to return to. Azza says I will be able to keep my body with it strength and my brain will be as operational as it is now. That means that I will be physically and mentally superior to you earthlings.
I say you not to insult or to feel better, but because I will be different from you when I return. We girls no longer see a world as a bunch of countries. We see as world as a whole unit that must operate as benefit for all its inhabitants alike. No exceptions should be made for the benefit of one species over the other if it will destroy the planet’s role as provider for all its inhabitants. This makes us different from most of you. We had our prejudices, nationalism, religions, and character quirks to address when we arrived. I think for the most part we have overcome the worst of them.
I for one do not want to return, but orders are orders, so I will. I do not intend to use my powers for any personal reward, but I do not intend to take shit. I will attempt to join the GIRLZ. I hope Michelle will find me a worthy comrade. I hope my present Commander will give me a good recommendation. I work hard towards that case.
We are not allowed to say who is up here. So I can only say that when we return, we can only be a unit if the can be a part of the GIRLZ. Azza has programed our suits so as to prevent us from joining up to take control of the planet. Not that it hadn’t crossed our minds. Hey, we fight almost daily with planets that are not as badly ruled as the earth. There are some messed up leaders of planets up here too. But for the most part, we get to visit planets that are wonderful. I love it when they plot our planet and see that we are form earth. Azza lets us girls do all the talking and mingling when we land on these planets because though we are posing as earthlings from our solar system she and the boys know nothing about our culture.
They are usually amazed that earth has such advanced technology. Most don’t have the ability to make it to our part of the Known universe in their lifetimes, so they are thrilled to meet aliens from another part of the Known universe much less the planet earth. I love being a benevolent alien. We are considered so wise and so kind. Most planets treat us like mini gods come to help save their planets.
I love space travel
Z
March 15th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Z,
What a great entry to read. It sounds like an amazing experience that you all are having. It seems from the many entries that you are all acting as ambassadors of the planet earth. It sounds as though you are doing an amazing job!
Al,
I must apologize for my jibe. I would also like to thank you for your apology that I read after the fact. As per Michelle’s blog today, I will admit to you, that my ego has taken a few hits this past month and perhaps is taking things out in ways that I AM is not proud of. Howie, I give this to you as well. You both have my heartfelt apology for any words that my ego may have said to you. I might add, as someone who had been in the music business for a lot of my life, I enjoy your lyrical inclusions.
March 15th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Doug, I feel that this bickering must come to an end. I would like to tell you and anyone else who might be interested, about where I am coming from.
I am a very sick, 50-year old man. I have a number of ailments including several serious Cardiac problems, high blood pressure, Advanced Liver Disease and a busted-up spine.
When I comment on this Blog, my every word seems to be put under a magnifying glass and dissected. Then comes the nasty comment from you, Doug. I have reached a point where I hesitate writing in because I can’t tolerate the constant petty criticism. It makes me physically ill and I don’t need this.
I do not understand nor do I appreciate comments made to both myself and Al at the same time. I am not Al and Al is not me. Please make the distinction.
I also cannot change the fact that I am a good friend of Carr’s. My low self-esteem has caused me to question “WHY ME?“ hundreds of times over the years. I still don’t understand why he befriended me, but he did. To me he is my best friend and Mentor. To him I am a best friend who will be hanging around with him for a long, long time because we have unconditional love and he has the power to make it so.
He is capable of blinking an eye and giving me back the health of a 20-year-old … but there are certain tests I must still pass in order to receive the ultimate gift.
As far as the TAO are concerned, I am always curious about a being’s agenda. They may be Human or come from any number of Planets, but I always begin as a skeptic. I must gain trust. It takes time. I trust Azza and the TAO at their word when an invitation is granted.
I have been invited for a Journey with Azza. I will surely accept this invitation and be a loyal crew member. Once I board the ship, I consider myself one of It’s Crew. Azza will be my Commander and I will follow her directions. I want to return - hopefully in better shape than I took off.
I still like to joke around with the TAO member left to answer Blog Comments because I know that they know where I am coming from. If there was any real animosity between us, It would be very obvious. I was told that if invited, I would be perfectly safe. I do not believe Carr will interfere with anything the TAO have planned unless they challenge him directly or try to hurt me. They have no reason to challenge him or hurt me, so all is well and I am about to make some new Friends. Right Azza? I will see you soon and look forward to being a temporary member of your Crew.
HOWIE
March 15th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
TAO Says:
March 15, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Retired reader
Those aliments you listed are not your chief concern. Your heart diagnosis is. As I am not a medical trained person in any capacity I will only pass on some material that I feel will be of interest to you. Your propensity to spend your money to investigate what intrigues you should enable you to expound upon what I am giving you here.
The best advice I could give anyone who is seeking to remain healthy or to regain some degree of acceptable health is to not see their doctors as the final word on any health advice they receive. It is your body. Get second, third, fourth opinions if you are not comfortable with what you hear for them. As for as the FDA and AMA are concerned they are thieves for hire for the most part. They seek to get appointed or to work for the agencies so that they can command better paying jobs or positions in the very industries they are supposed to be policing for the protection of the public good. So for the most part you will have to do your own research. Although your lack of medical knowledge will handicap you, there are plenty of honest, dedicated medical professionals out there ready and willing to help you in your quest. Granted you will have to wade through the unscrupulous and the predatory scum, but it is worth the effort if you can find a simple cure for a complicated made aliment.
The public should be aware of the fact that drug companies are in the business of renting drugs not selling the drug. It is far more profitable to produce a drug that you will have to take for the rest of your life than to produce one that cures the same condition. Hence there are very few drugs that will cure aliments, but millions that you can rent to keep those aliments at bay. No drug company would spend millions advertising a drug that once taken would cure your medical problem. It is much more profitable to have the problem be ongoing so that you can rent their drug for life.
The FDA and the AMA spend more money on discrediting legitimate cures or fixes that invade the profit potential of the drug companies than they do insuring that these drug companies provide a safe product to sell to the public. The next time one of those pompous agency heads or representative issue a disclaimer against something that benefits the drug industry, google the prostitute and you will find a history of his/her revolving door career. They will work for the industry and then the government, then the industry, etc. Prostitutes for hire, the public be damned. Certainly there are those out there who would make any medical claim to make a buck, that’s why you have to weigh when these agencies are trying to protect the public as opposed to protecting the profits of the drug industry.
I know, I know, you know all this. But I do not write for you alone. I pick topics that I think will benefit more than just the person who asked the question most of the time. Be patient, what I have to share with you will not only save your life but many others too. In the coming days I will provide a series of topics concerning blood pressure and pulse rate; the circulatory system, and related causes you are concern medically with.
You will be amazed how little money some cures cost. For example doctors know that people with mild to moderately high blood pressure levels (140-180/95-114 mm Hg) can benefit more from dietary and lifestyle changes than from medication, but they continue to prescribe the medications rather than natural solutions.
In addition to lifestyle changes such as engaging in regular exercise, and eating a diet high in fiber, complex carbohydrates, cold-warter fish, and lots of vegetables and fruits, there is one food that is especially effective at lowering blood pressure; that food is celery.
Doctors at the University of Chicago studying the Oriental custom of using celery to lower hypertension discovered that celery contains the chemical 3-n-butyl phthalide. This smoothes the muscles lining blood vessels, which increases vessel diameter and allows for easier blood flow at lower pressures.
Using the recommended Oriental dosages to lower mild cases of high blood pressure, one would eat about four ounces of celery daily. This works out to about a cup, chopped up. Often this needs to continued only for a week or two to obtain desired results.
When you eat celery, DON’T peel the strings off. They act like a scrubbing that gently stimulates the bowels and removes excess waste material(an added bonus for anyone with constipation or other colon problems). Sodium in celery is also beneficial for people who suffer from stiffness in the joints, which commonly occur as you get older.(For the record a cup contains a little over 100 mg of sodium. Since celery is 93% water, a cup has only 18 calories.)
Gleia
HOW
March 15th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Gleia, Sorry my computer glitched while I was copying your medical advice concerning celery, etc.
HOWIE
March 15th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Michelle: Let go off my Eggo, I still can’t stop laughing. Nice artwork, what program did you use to create that? And where did you get that idea? I REALLY enjoyed your post today. And that Ego box was brilliant, and so fitting, considering the
circumstances.
I’ve heard it said that there are only two sins.
1. To interfere with ones own growth.
2. To interfere with the growth of another.
Guilty as charge on both counts, credit time served. I have to say I was surprised, having spilling my guts out the day earlier. Stuff I have never before told a soul.
You are correct, I do not live in your time zone, I am an insomniac, no longer a night owl, and I do not care to say where in the world I am. If everyone lived in PST zone, It might be a tad crowded.
I also like nice stuff, however I kept needing larger homes just for a place to keep my stuff. Now I prefer to have less stuff, at one time everything I owned was whatever garb I had on. I like to travel light, but not that light.
Walking out in cold, with a sack on my back, picking up garbage people put out back. I lived like this for a while.
Now I don’t have much material stuff. But if you consider problems as stuff, I am going to have a yard sale, but then I would need a yard. And near everything I own now was previously owned and discarded or donated. Most clothing from Goodwill, sans shoes, socks, & drawers. No used shoes, I got a funny thing about used shoes.
I have a lot of electronics stuff that I have been given free and repaired by yours truly. Chairs, tables, everything refurbished.
And I could leave it all at the drop of a hat. I have owned at least 200 tv sets & stereo receivers. Many repaired and immediately given away or sold. This was one of my many trades (electronic service).
And I have always felt prisoner to all this stuff. I have regretfully lost all my stuff of sentimental value. If my home burned down I would be devastated as it is not insured, but I can always accumulate new stuff.
Owning my ego is important for survival, and I see this ego as good stuff. It is when the ego owns me, that I am in for trouble.
Doug: I had to think WTF, did you think I would even bother to give an insincere apology, no, not me not ever, not my style.
It is difficult to communicate clearly with text, my first time ever was on this blog. I like to look a man straight in the eye.
Being in need of a major organ transplant in the not too distant future. That I will never get, no health insurance. When it goes, so do I .
I have bigger problems than wondering what I am allowed to say and what I cannot on a blog, that has become an important part of my life.
I don’t have to many people here that I can converse with on anything but a superficial level. Due only to language and cultural differences, sure I love my neighbors and they love me as well I would suspect.
I will give you an example, “ I’m being follow by a moon shadow” if I were to say something like that I would be considered to be crazy, if I could even manage to get that short quote into translation.
Here I am the alien. And it kinda sucks, I do have one local friend that I can have an in depth conversation with an share mutual experiences. This is not a prejudice.
There are nostalgia from my youth that cause me to be terribly homesick.
That last comment yesterday really caught me off guard. I accept your apology 100% if and when it happens again. I will accept an apology 100% again, or vise-versa.
And I see so much futility in going in circles. Been there, done that, been there again, done that again. I feel like the Ourobouros.
Futilely trying to consume my self by trying to swallow my own feet. I would prefer to keep my feet out of my mouth.
So can we please stop this stupid shit, that is not why I am here, and I know that you are not here for this either. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ourobouros
Len Zill: I’ll be back at ya later. I am so very tired and am feeling rather ill. Must recharge bleepboing snapcracklefizzlepoppppp………….
Ill
March 16th, 2008 at 3:50 am
Everyone: I had not read Plato’s desription of the Ourobouros. My original conception was compared to the futility of a dog trying to catch it’s own tail(as per a small paper back I am reading).
The going around trapped in viscous cycles on & on, and the futility of attempting to live day to day life chasing something that can not be caught.
I had not read the Wikipedia’s description. Had I, I would have used something else. Interesting concept Plato had there. But his description definitetly does not apply to me at all.
I should have been more careful, my mistake again, cool picture though.
Al
March 16th, 2008 at 4:37 am
As we sail through the cosmos, I see things so indescribable as to assume I am dreaming. That’s the best description I can give for being at the viewing helm of a space ship cruising the cosmos. I can’t imagine what I would have thought about if I were home in America reading this. Yet, here I am writing about what I am doing. Cruising the universe. (Every one up here calls it the Known [with a capital k] universe.) I say universe because that’s all I know anyway. I think they are distinguishing between what they know and what could be because they don’t know it. Does that make sense? That’s how you start to think up here when you have too much time to think.
Time that’s what I should write about. We are getting younger. I started out 39 years old. I am writing this because now I am about 29 years old. I am told that when I return home, I will look 29 to 19 years old. I said, Azza may I speak frankly? You have to ask that, or you risk pissing Azza off. Honestly, you DON’T want to do that. She said that she would make allowances for that for the first 10 earth days, after that she said that we have to feel her wrath if we pissed her off. You DON’T piss Azza off. Anyway, I asked and she told me to come back to her in a few days she was not in the mood for my bullshit. That’s just Azza, a mixture of alien space girl and not-quite-understanding-what-she-is-saying-earth-girl, but the girls get her meaning, the guys now that’s another story.
Here’s what I mean. I lied about my age when I asked Azza if I could be the one. She said that one of the reasons she picked me is because I lied about my age so she figured that I must be a real girl because the simulator or dumbalator as she calls it said that girls lie about their age. Go figure, all my supposed qualifications and I get accepted because I lied about my age.
Azza, you got to love her. She’s the girl you wanted to be when you grew up. I took flying lessons from her and Zmiv, I thought he was good, she’s incredible. So smooth with the controls that you think she is part ship and part human.
One time we snuck in behind one of the emperor’s alarm grids without alarming a sole and Azza did it while giving us a lesson on what we could achieve if we applied ourselves. This girls’ got balls. Once while escorting the Dlalations to Ader conference, we were ambushed by a group that wanted to prevent the other two parties to a dispute from meeting. Azza could have shot them down, but she played tag with them while she led them into the meet zone. Once there they too were forced to talk to retrieve their captured ship. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that once we were within range of her plan she maneuvered the Climax between them and the Ader conference gates so as to force them to shut down and surrender. She’s good, damn good.
Her fascination and love of all things earth like is mind boggling. She just loves being an earth girl. Yet, she really knows nothing about what being a girl earth or otherwise means. She just looks at us and tries to feel what we feel. She is tall and drop dead gorgeous. I had had only one lesbian experience before Azza and I made love. It was when I was celebrating a little too hard after passing my RN finals. I was or used the fact that i was a little too high to allow myself to be seduced by a petite Aussie from Brisbane. This time I was stone sober and in awe of a woman who had just been seduced by M and wanted to try it on her own.
She didn’t want to approach me because she was the Commander and she didn’t want to fraternize. So i had to make the first move. It was right after she had cornered that group I mentioned above. She was not used to a human body sweating, so she went to the shower(Azza is the only one of us who showers with real water[she insists on being a real earthling]). I followed her to get our lot assignments. I heard her trying to sing in the shower. I knocked and as permission to enter. She asked if an earth girl would allow another girl to enter when she was taking a shower. I told her not only would she allow it she would be all over the girl once she entered the shower. The rest is well private. It was wonderful. Azza makes love as well as she does everything else, with precision, passion, and all out effort. I was thrilled! We giggled all the way to the Arbor. After our AARs were done we got our favorite boys and had dessert. I told her we were marines now. She asked what were the marines. I told her it was a United States fighting unit that featured kick-ass girls. She asked me if Michelle was a member. I said(forgive me Michelle) yeah, she’s their leader. Here motto is (Elliot you will appreciate this from “Aliens”) “A day in the marines is like a day on the farm, every meal is a banquet and march is a parade.” The next day the situation arbor had the quote embossed across the bulkheads. So the GIRLZ are members of Michelle’s Marines.
I can’t say whether Michelle is up here with us, i can say I would love to be accepted as a GIRLZ.
We are headed for the Czruzhon border. It is supposed to be a frontier between the confederation and the emperor’s territories. Hostile with unpredictable weather patterns. Weather in space lingo means asteroid, meteoroid, gravity trapped caused planet inference and the like events that occur on a perceived pattern.
All this means is a bunch of hours in the simulator to learn how to navigate what we expect to in counter. So I’m off to get prepared. It is always so exciting to be up here. This is better than a dream because it is so dreamlike. I could have never imagined anything like what I am experiencing. i fly a real space ship.
L
May 9th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Obagi Blue Peel…
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….
November 12th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
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