Redford Williams, MD
Duke University Medical Center

When someone is angry, our instinctive reaction typically is to get defensive (if the person is angry at us) or to give advice (if he/she is angry at someone else). These responses are not useful — they do not resolve the situation and even may inflame him further. More effective…

WHEN YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET

The best way to calm someone who is angry at someone else is to let him vent. Don’t interrupt or tell him why he shouldn’t be angry or that he should let it go. Don’t talk about the time you got mad about the same thing — this implies that your reaction is more important than his.

When he has talked himself out, acknowledge his feelings — whether or not you agree with his views.

Example: “Wow, you’re really angry with your boss. I can see how upset you are.”
After listening and acknowledging, ask if there is any way you can help. In many cases, the other person will say that you have helped just by listening. You also might be able to assist with brainstorming and problem solving. But if you try to solve the problem before hearing the person out or without his approval, he most likely will feel angrier.

WHEN THE ANGER IS DIRECTED AT YOU

When someone lashes out at you, the primitive part of your brain is activated. This creates the impulse to defend yourself from attack by telling the other person he is wrong or irrational or by getting angry yourself.

Instead, before responding, pause for a few moments and silently ask yourself four questions…

1. Is this situation important?

2. Is my reaction appropriate?

3. Is the situation modifiable?

4. If so, is taking action worth it?

To remember the four questions when you are under stress, use the partial acronym I AM WORTH IT.

I stands for Important… AM stands for Appropriate and Modifiable… WORTH IT, of course, stands for the last question.

If the answer to all four questions is “yes,” then assert yourself by telling the person…

1. Exactly what he is doing.

2. How it makes you feel.

3. What, specifically, you would like him to do differently.

Keep your voice fairly quiet and your tone neutral.

Describe behavior, not motives or personal characteristics.

Example: My wife used this technique when I came home in a bad mood at the end of a tough day.

Virginia was preparing dinner. On the kitchen counter was a big stack of mail-order catalogs that she had promised to look through a few days earlier.

I snapped, “What are these damn catalogs doing here?”

Virginia didn’t say a word for about 20 seconds. Then she replied calmly, “Redford, you just walked into the kitchen and said,

‘What are these damn catalogs doing here?’’ (She told me what I had done.)

I came home early to make dinner, and now, I am feeling hurt, unappreciated and, frankly, angry at you. (She told me how it made her feel.)

Would it be possible for you to come home at the end of the day and not have the first words out of your mouth be something critical?” (What she would like me to do.)

I turned around, walked out of the kitchen, came back in and said, “Mmm, smells good. What’s for supper?”

When I first arrived home, Virginia could have fueled an argument by snapping back, “What’s the matter with you, coming home and criticizing me?” Instead, during those 20 seconds of silence, she asked herself the four questions. Then she made a specific observation and a request for change.

If you need to respond to an angry outburst in a setting where expressing personal feelings is not appropriate — for example, at work — use a results-oriented word, such as “helpful.”

Example: “Bill, you just told me that my marketing idea for the new product is the stupidest thing you ever heard. I need to let you know that calling my suggestion stupid isn’t helpful. If you could give me some of the reasons you think it won’t work, I’d appreciate it.”

If your answer to any of the four I AM WORTH IT questions gets a “no” — focus on controlling your reaction.

Don’t say anything to the person.

Instead, if the situation isn’t important or can’t be changed, say to yourself, “Hey, it’s not that important,” or “There’s nothing I can do to change this guy.”

If requesting change isn’t appropriate or worth it, you can distract yourself by thinking about something pleasant or doing something else… or by taking a few deep breaths and thinking the word “calm” as you inhale and “down” as you exhale.

This is not the same as passively giving in. You are evaluating the situation and making a rational decision.

interviewed Redford Williams, MD, director of the Behavioral Medicine Research Center at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina. He is author of numerous books, including In Control (Rodale), and coauthor of the video-learning program Williams Lifeskills — Managing Stress & Anger System, available at http://www.williamslifeskills.com.

This is from a book called  Disorder in the American Courts, and are supposedly things people  actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. 
______________________________  ______________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?  
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.  

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the  Circus was in town I’m going with male.  

Seniors looking to stay sharp and ward off conditions like dementia might just need a little tutoring.

Don’t worry–I’m not sending anyone back to school. Not as a student anyway.

New research shows that seniors who tutor children may actually improve their cognitive function and even reverse mental decline. And all you need is enough patience and tolerance to help a kid with reading and math.

A new program called Experience Corps pairs seniors with elementary school students in low-income districts. Studies have shown that kids tutored by these seniors have better reading skills than those who aren’t tutored.

But according to a recent study, the kids aren’t the only ones experience good results.

Researchers followed eight Experience Corps volunteers who had done poorly on cognitive tests and were considered to have a high risk of cognitive impairment. But after six months of reading and math tutoring, MRIs revealed improvement in the areas of the brain used for “executive function,” according to a study published in the Journal of Gerontology: Medical Sciences.

Those are the regions used for thinking–and, more importantly, the areas that give us the ability to juggle multiple tasks. Lose function there, and you lose your independence. Improve it, on the other hand, and you could lower your risk for Alzheimer’s disease.

The key here isn’t just tutoring youngsters (although this study suggests it certainly could help)… but remaining constructive and engaged in your golden years.

Many seniors withdraw when they hit some of life’s sand traps… from retirement and learning to live on a fixed income, to downsizing and moving to a place far from friends and family, to the loss of a spouse.

And once they start pulling back, many seniors end up on the decline… leading to poor health and a quicker onset of age-related diseases like dementia.

Programs like Experience Corps offer a great way to stay involved and avoid those pitfalls… but they’re not the only option. Social clubs, library groups, volunteer activities and sports can all help keep seniors engaged.

And of course, there’s those grandkids and the other young lads and lasses in our lives… you can benefit from their presence, and they can learn from your lifetime of experience.

That’s a win-win in my book.

On a mission for your health,

Ed Martin
Editor, House Calls
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Ursla

It seems that the people of Guam are getting anxious about the military buildup.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
U.S. military buildup angers Guam

Guam residents eye U.S. military buildup
Many residents, concerned about the effects of a planned increase in U.S. military assets, hope more federal funds will be allocated for the infrastructure needed to support them.

By Blaine Harden
Washington Post Foreign Service
Monday, March 22, 2010

HAGATNA, Guam — This remote Pacific island is home to U.S. citizens who are fervent supporters of the military, as measured by their record of fighting and dying in America’s recent wars.
But they are angry about a major military buildup here, which the government of Guam and many residents say is being grossly underfunded. They fear the construction of a new U.S. Marine Corps base will overwhelm the island’s already inadequate water and sewage systems, as well as its port, power grid, hospital, highways and social services.

“Our nation knows how to find us when it comes to war and fighting for war,” said Michael W. Cruz, lieutenant governor of Guam and an Army National Guard colonel who recently returned from a four-month tour as a surgeon in Afghanistan. “But when it comes to war preparations — which is what the military buildup essentially is — nobody seems to know where Guam is.”

The federal government has given powerful reasons to worry to the 180,000 residents of Guam, a balmy tropical island whose military importance derives from its location as by far the closest U.S. territory to China and North Korea.

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said last month that the military buildup, as described in Pentagon documents, could trigger island-wide water shortages that “fall dispropotionately on a low income medically underserved population.” It also said the buildup would overload sewage treatment in a way that “may result in significant public health impacts.”

President Obama had planned to visit Guam Monday as the brief first stop of an Asian trip that has been delayed because of Sunday’s health-care vote in the House. Obama is aware of the problems here and had planned to promise some federal help, White House officials said.

“We’re trying to identify and understand the current conditions on Guam and the potential impact of the relocation,” said Nancy Sutley, chair of the White House Council on Environmental Quality, who on Tuesday will lead a delegation to the island. “There’s no question that the environmental conditions on Guam are not ideal.”

Besides a new Marine base and airfield, the buildup includes port dredging for a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, which would cause what the EPA describes as “unacceptable” impact on 71 acres of a vibrant coral reef. The military, which already owns 27 percent of the island, also wants to build a Marine firing range on land that includes one of the last undeveloped beachfront forests on Guam.

In a highly unusual move, the EPA graded the buildup plan as “environmentally unsatisfactory” and said it “should not proceed as proposed.”

“The government of Guam and the Guam Waterworks cannot by themselves accommodate the military expansion,” said Nancy Woo, associate director of the EPA’s water division. She said Guam needs about $550 million to upgrade its water and sewage systems. White House officials said EPA findings are preliminary.
Guam government officials put the total direct and indirect costs of coping with the buildup at about $3 billion, including $1.7 billion to improve roads and $100 million to expand the already overburdened public hospital. On this island — where a third of the population is on food stamps and 25 percent lives below the U.S. poverty level — that price tag cannot be paid with local tax revenues.
“It is not possible and it is not fair that the island bear the cost,” said Woo.

The way I look at it blacks became citizens 160 years ago, women got the right to vote 90 years ago. It will take a black man as President and a woman as head of the House to give All Americans the right to vote.

What that says to me is that white men wanted to keep the country a place of Affirmative Action for themselves. They used every tactic imaginable to divide and conquer the OTWs. They implored the same tactics to keep women from uniting.

They use black Uncle Toms like Clarence Thomas and anti ERA attorney like Phyllis Schlafly to be the blind for their racism and misogyny.

This is a despicable country for OTWs and women who want to share in the opportunities that white men enjoy as a birthright.

Robert